Upon my arrival at AndyErupts HQ for my regular “catch up, pizza and assignment” session, I was handed a DVD and asked to toddle off and review it.
As it turns out, it’s a “made for SyFy” film. Uh-oh. It’s Goblin, directed by Jeffery Lando and starring Gill Bellows (The Shawshank Redemption, Flash Forward).
As soon as I saw those four little letters, arranged in that poorly spelled way, S-Y-F-Y, I sighed, noting it was probably going to be a film that includes the usual “convincing” characters and plots in a way that was designed to have adverts periodically interrupting the movie.
The story actually reads interestingly enough…
Halloween, 1831. The villagers of Hollow Glen have gathered for their annual ritual of tossing the diseased and blighted crops into a bonfire in an effort to bless them with an abundant harvest the following year. However their is another blight in this village in the form of a new born child. Deformed at birth, it too is taken by the village elders and tossed into the fire in front of its mother. In a rage, the child’s mother levels a curse upon the village resulting in something evil and monstrous rising from the ashes.
This creature is the titular Goblin who for all time, will stalk and kill the first born sons of anyone in Hollow Glen.
The movie then jumps to the present day where Neil Perkins (Gil Bellows) is heading to Hollow Glen with his daughter Nikki, his new wife and their 6 month old son. Nikki’s best friend Cammy is also along for the ride. In Hollow Glen, Neil hopes to strike a business deal with the current villagers with a view to developing the village and bringing it up to date.
Predictably, Nikki and Cammy quickly make friends with some local boys and, almost instantly, instantly we have our crop of young bloods primed for the slaughter.
Of course, all is not what it seems and Nikki and Cammy soon notice that the villagers are acting “weird” (Oh yes) and they soon find themselves being stalked by the creature known as the Goblin. Who can save them? Maybe the crazy old drunk of the village? Could be…
The acting is…passable, but the whole film looks cheap and a bit lacklustre.
As with any creature feature, I expect the monster to live up to its name and the front cover (above) suggested to me that I was in for a treat! It looks OK, eh? That howling beast there. Look at it. Roaring. ROOOOOAAAAARRRRR. That’s going to be a cool creature, right?
Boy, oh boy, was I left bitterly disappointed!
The actual thing looks NOTHING like that, rather appearing like a less frightening Ringwraith from Lord Of The Rings. The goblin was in fact, CGI 99% of the time and the execution is rarely convincing. Surely, if you aim to do a creature movie then this is the thing that needs to be done right? Most of the creature action takes place in broad daylight, a decision which results in the film having zero atmosphere.
As for gore? Well, there is hardly any, and it’s all ripped out guts. It seems that the budget went to the CGI department.
Looking for frights? I’d suggest you move along as there are none to be found here, buddy.
If your a fan of the SyFy Channel and enjoy the type of movies that it typically churns out then you might enjoy this one too. Don’t get me wrong, it may not be the best creature horror out there but has it does have a decent story, even if the execution wasn’t great. Just please, please , please do not pay any attention to the box art.
Goblin will be released via Lionsgate on March 12th.
